Last Year

In the blue-grey of my recent days,
certain things stand out.
Like, for instance, this clear thought - This
was not how the year
was supposed to go,
"supposed to" being a quicksand phrase notwithstanding --
clarity is what is left
after you ignore the illogical traps.
Coming back to my year --
New Years are better for stock-taking;
there is enormous company.
Birthday eves are not a great idea.
You have to smile a lot the next day.

Nevertheless.

This was not how the year was supposed to go
And I am missing yahoo emoticons here.
Too much has happened
And too much hasn't.
And since I write down my plans
they now look like
compiled jokes of the year.
Some great things have happened.
So, that "supposed to" is not so grievance-laden.
It was just so you know
I plan my year - in some general way but
with some specifics thrown in.
Like if I should study or work
and where;
and how many linen trousers - expensive -
I can buy.
This year, I bought just as many linen trousers
as I planned,
But ended up working when
I had planned to study.
So you see how this thing can go.

I like to feel in control
of something at least.
So I did channel surfing on the TV
so I could gag a newsreader mid-sentence
or choose an ad over the CBI murder probe.
But the TV went grainy on me
with just that gravelly hiss of absence;
"power-cut here," the cable guy said over phone.

Our lives are so interconnected.

Anyway, Happy Birthday to me! (tomorrow)